Sex, Lies & Faux Pas (by Richard Easton — The Matchmaker)
Gentlemen: Never ask the ladies their opinions on dating etiquette unless you expect an earful. The next day my inbox was filled with letters. One was seven paragraphs long. It seems we make such blunders as fail to open the door for her, help her off and on with her coat, pull out her chair at the dinner table, wait to sit until she does, tend to her wine glass, stand when she visits the powder room, and if you can believe this one, hail her a taxi and pay for it, that is, if we cannot deliver her home and make certain she makes it inside before we blaze off into the moonlight.
I read stories of men on a first date complaining about their ex-wives and girlfriends – Seriously? – a guy who opened his wallet and a pair of condoms fell onto the table – Yikes! – but the showstopper was the man who took a leggy blonde on a second date to a New Year’s Eve party only to mistakenly kiss a similar looking woman at midnight; he then called his original date on New Year’s Day to say their bathroom rendezvous was the sexual experience of his life. “Um, that wasn’t me, you idiot!” Oooops! Women want us to be decisive. It is polite to ask her what she would like to do, but if she says whatever you want, then take charge. Few gestures will impress her more than a well-planned evening, and you had better pay for it Dagwood or don’t ask her out in the first place. Don’t cancel either. “If he cannot organize his schedule, forget it! I don’t care if he was called into a meeting with The President!” Wow, not even The President? We don’t walk on the outside of the sidewalk near street-side either, and we don’t lead her through a crowded bar or theater. If we do help her on with her coat, we forget to pull her long hair out.
Geeze! We often drink too much on a first date, and then grope her thinking she’s just as hammered as we are. She isn’t, of course, so she only assumes we are all just a bunch of horny alcoholics. Well, when you’re right, you’re right. Now, if you want to make a truly great impression, wear a sports jacket even in summer, and make certain your shoes are clean and polished. Be nice to the cab driver, maître d’, waiter, coat-check girl, homeless guy, etcetera. Turn off your iPhone/Blackberry and leave it in your pocket. Tip well—she’s watching to see if you are generous. Find something about her to compliment but be sincere and don’t overdo it. If you know her, pick her up or at least offer. Deliver her home, and get this, kiss her before you reach the doorman or that Rhett Butler tonsillectomy will turn into a peck on the cheek. Talk about your hobbies but never about your mother, Oedipus!
Listen intently to what she is saying and create a dialogue not a monologue. Don’t tell her she’s your soul mate on a first date. “It’s creepy!” But if you like her, tell her, and don’t wait three days to call. Flowers are great on special occasions, but red roses after a first date cries desperation, and too many candles in your apartment screams playboy: “We know you want to sleep with us, but a dozen roses and candles, really?” And the number one way to her heart—make her laugh! Richard Easton is New York City’s premier matchmaker. Richard Easton Limited operates from offices on Washington Square Park, Manhattan. Visit his website: www.richardeaston.com
